Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Title: My End and My Beginning, Chapter 6: Grief and Love
Author: Jess Gaskell
Game: Preceding Mass Effect,
Characters: FemShep/Joker/Chakwas/Anderson.
Content: What if you had a chance to go back and redo the worse decisions you ever made. With a second chance, can Shepard overcome her demons and finally bring the cycle to an end? Follow her as she forms the relationships that will give her something to truly fight for.
Rating: T for some explicit language.
Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all its characters belong to EA/Bioware. I am borrowing their wonderful characters and setting to put my own spin on the universe Bioware has created. Everything else is the result of my own imagination gone wild!
Take me to where it all began! (Chapter 1)
<--- Chapter 5
Grief and Love
“What the hell do you think this is Shepard, a holiday camp?” boomed the baritone voice of her Commanding Officer.
“Sir, no Sir.”
“But you still think it’s reasonable, to request a leave of absence, two weeks after you graduate?”
“He’s my best friend Sir, I have to be at the funeral.”
“He may be your best friend, but The Alliance is your life, or have you forgotten that marine?”
“Sir, no Sir, I have not forgotten that.” Amelia was getting desperate, desperate times... “Permission to speak freely Sir?”
“You have thirty seconds,”
“Are you familiar with the court martial proceedings Sir?”
“I am; why?” his voice had a hint of curiosity in it, which was what she was hoping for.
“Because Major, The Alliance ingrains in us the importance of loyalty and sticking together through the toughest times. It is that ethos I am following Sir. So if you won’t give me permission, then you will have to court martial me for deserting, because I will be at that funeral. Sir.”
It was taking all of her concentration to keep the quake out of her voice. Insubordination was not on the top of her to do list, but this was Jeff, she had to go.
“Heh, you’ve got balls Shepard, and you pose a fair argument,” he said with amusement in his voice. “There won’t be a court martial today, permission for compassionate leave granted. You and Second Lieutenant Keen have 3 days. Dismissed.”
Shepard froze, shit.
“I’m sorry Sir, I obviously wasn’t clear when making my request. The request was solely for myself, not for Second Lieutenant Keen.”
“Your request was clear Shepard; I amended it. Let’s call sending Keen with you an insurance policy to ensure your ass is back where it should be on time. I would have thought you’d be happy to have your girlfriend with you.”
“Yes Sir, it’s just...the squad will be two marines down instead of one, I guarantee I will be back here on time.”
“Shepard, I’ve given you the leave you requested. This isn’t a negotiation, take the deal or leave it.”
“Yes Sir, thank you Sir.” Shepard saluted, turned and left.
Shit!
This may be a silly question, but why don’t you want our girlfriend there to support us?
I just don’t.
Hmm, yes, very strong argument…
It’ll be...Jeff’s Lia at the funeral.
And you’ve only let Jen fall in love with Second Lieutenant Shepard.
Yup.
Not that I have any desire to say I told you so…
But you’re going to anyway...
Well, it feels really appropriate to bring up that conversation we had about setting a precedent...
You’re so helpful…
I try.
They’d travelled in silence most of the journey to Whistler.
“It’s beautiful here, we should both come here for Christmas this year,” Jen said as she stared out the window at the stunning landscape.“Maybe,” was all Shepard replied, not wanting to commit to anything right now.
Jen was right though, Whistler was like an example of what a perfect Earth would look like. Amelia hadn’t thought it could get any more breathtaking than it was in the winter snow, but seeing it through an autumn lense, she realised she had been wrong.
Gone was the winter’s white blanket that her and Jeff had had many a snowball fight in. In it’s place was a beautiful patchwork quilt of autumn leaves.
As the cab came to a stop, Amelia scanned the mourning crowd gathering outside the cabin. She caught sight of Karin almost immediately. Even from this distance she could see the grief etched on Karin's face, betraying her usual mask of calm.
Amelia climbed out the cab, straightened her blue dress uniform and started walking towards Karin. She didn't even check on Jen, her Shepard was not here, today she was Karin and Jeff's Amelia and that was all that mattered.
The closer Amelia got to Karin, the further her guardian's mask slipped. When she reached her, Amelia pulled Karin into an embrace. The last thread holding her mask gave way and the calm shattered.
After a minute Karin's silent sobs subsided and she began to regain some composure.
Accepting a tissue from Amelia she smiled and said “Look what you did, I was fine until you arrived.”Amelia smiled, “Liar.”
Karin then looked over Amelia's shoulder, “Oh Jen dear, I didn't realise you would be coming too, it's lovely to see you. Sorry I made such a scene.”Jen moved forward and hugged Karin, “Please don't apologise for grieving Karin. Yes our CO very kindly let me come to support Shepard.”
“That's nice,” Karin said smiling at Jen, as she looked over at Amelia a questioning frown flashed across her face.Amelia shifted uncomfortably avoiding her guardian's gaze, this wasn't the time. “Is everything ready?” she asked Karin trying to steer the situation back to the importance of today.
“Almost,” Karin replied and looked over at the little dock on the lake.Amelia followed her gaze. “Ok, give me a minute.”
Jeff loved to look at the lake, imagining himself out there skating around. There were many things he would never be able to do, most of which he didn’t dwell on. If he moped about everything he couldn’t do, he would miss out on all the things he could, but ice skating on their lake was one thing that kept nagging at him.
“Be careful Jeff don’t get too close.” Sarah called from the cabin.“Mom I’m fine, stop fussing.” he said irritated.
“You won’t be fine if your crutches slip on ice.” his mother replied in annoyance.“I won’t let him fall Sarah I promise.” Lia’s voice rang out clearly next to him.
Jeff turned and looked at her, he’d never had a real friend before, not like this. There were of course friends of convenience, outcasts banding together, but never someone who was his friend because they liked him for who he was.“The lake on Mindoir used to freeze every year, it was a thing we did as a family, both me and the twins could skate as early as we could walk. Hailey, was terrible at it though; I had to support her so much I was practically carrying her.” Lia said as she chuckled at the memory.
He laughed, “Yeah that would pretty much be me too I think.”“Have you ever tried?” Lia said nodding toward the lake.
“Oh yeah, didn’t you know? I’m going for gold in the next Olympics,” he replied, sarcasm dripping off every word.“Uh-huh…” she said with a smirk. “Wanna try?”
He did a double take, there was no teasing tone, no mocking expression, she was serious.“I...errm, I don’t...I’d quite like to avoid a medevac this Christmas.” he said still stunned at her suggestion.
She turned square on to look at him, “I meant what I said to your mom Jeff, I won’t let you fall, I promise.”As he studied her face, he could see unwavering certainty in her eyes, she meant what she said, and he believed her. “Ok, but I don’t think we have any skates that match these bad boys.” he said waving at his leg braces.
She beamed and said, “I found the perfect thing in your cabin basement yesterday afternoon. Wait here.”When she returned with the bizarre looking torture device in hand he frowned at her questioningly, looking more than a little concerned.
“They’re old but they’re safe and they’ll fit over your braces,” Lia said confidently.“What the hell are they?”
She laughed, “They attach to regular footwear, giving you a skating blade.”“Ok, you’re sure they’re safe?”
“Yup, we used to have a set on Mindoir; I’ve check these over and they’re solid. Come on sit down, I’ll fit them for you.”As she fitted the blades to his boots, he kept looking back to the cabin praying his mother wouldn’t see what they were up. “My mom is gonna kills both when she finds out.”
Lia looked up at him with a cheeky smile “No she’s not, Karin’s got her covered. Right, all set let’s get you up.”As he stood, he was about to ask what she meant by ‘Karin’s got her covered’, but before he had chance a faint blue glow beside him caught his eye. He watched as the blue ball of energy grew bigger and brighter in his best friend’s hand.
“Wow you’re biotics control has really improved, but what are you doing?”“Preparing your safety net,” she said with confidence.
Before he had chance to ask what she meant, the biotic energy hit him in the chest, but there was no force, no impact; it felt more like an icy gust of wind washing over his entire body, every hair stood on end and every inch of his skin tingled from the strange sensation.“There, that wasn’t so bad was it?” she said smiling at him.
“You could have warned me,” he said trying to make the amazement in his voice sound like irritation.Apparently it worked, Lia frowned, “So ungrateful, shut up moaning and lets get moving,” she said walking away from him and stepping down onto the ice, “Come on.”
He looked at her, “Errm aren’t you going to at least help me?” the nerves were evident in his voice.“I am,” she said as she spun on the ice to face him, showing him a reassuring smile.
Jeff realised she was still radiating blue energy, subtle pulses of biotic energy extending from her hands created a blue hue across the space between them. He took a step forward and realised his entire body felt as if it was being reinforced by an invisible full body brace.As he stepped down onto the ice he almost lost his balance, but he only fell a fraction before being stabilized by the biotics surrounding him. “I told you, I won’t let you fall.” Lia said warmly.
They skated like that for twenty minutes before Karin called from the dock, “Ok Amelia, that’s enough now.”Jeff looked up and smiled at the two women looking on at them, “But I’m fine Karin.”
Karin laughed, “I know you’re fine, it’s Amelia I’m worried about, she’s only had the amp six months, she can’t exert her biotics for long periods.”“Sorry Chip, I’m still a lightweight.” Lia said trying to keep a playfully tone, but when Jeff heard the exhaustion in her voice, he immediately headed back to the dock.
As Sarah helped Jeff take the blades off she said, “You have a natural talent for skating, I’m...sorry you can’t do that whenever you want.”He looked at her a little surprised, he was half expecting an ear full. The he smiled, “Thanks for letting me mom.”
“You were in safe hands. Just don’t go trying that on your own.” she teased.“Oh don’t worry, that will never happen.” he laughed.
Today was a good day.As she reached the end of the dock she looked out over the lake, until today she'd only ever seen it as a natural ice rink. The mountains were an amazing backdrop in the winter, but to see them reflecting back up at themselves from the lake's pristine surface, confirmed just how perfectly they were positioned.
"Didn't think they'd let you come.""Yeah well, I told my CO he'd better prepare the paperwork for a court martial, because permission or not, I was going to be there for my best friend."
"Heh, how'd he take that?""He respected my dedication to my best friend and granted me leave."
"Nice."A silence fell between them as they both gazed out over the lake.
“Do you remember the first time we went skating?”“I’m not doing it today if that’s what you’re asking.” she teased.
“Idiot. I was sure mom was going to kick my ass when we got back off the ice, but instead she told me what a natural I was and said she was sorry I couldn’t do it whenever I wanted.” he said with a melancholy tone.“She was an amazing woman. I know she was a great support for Karin, helping her cope with suddenly becoming a mom of a teenager. She’s leaving a big whole is many people’s lives.” Lia said distantly as if lost in a memory.
"Does it get easier?""No; but if you're really lucky, you find a few special people that help smother it, until everyday life is easier and you don't notice it so much."
"Were you lucky?""Yes," she turned her head to look at him, "I found you, Sarah and Karin."
He turned and looked at her, she could see the burn in his eyes, the clench of his jaw as he fought back the tears. The grief etched on his face. It was a grief Amelia knew all too well.She dropped her hand into the gap between the two of them, as her hand brushed against his, he took the offer and their fingers interlinked.
Jen watched the woman stood on the dock with Jeff. She felt a cool chill wash over her as the realisation, that she was looking at a stranger, hit her. From the moment they stepped out of the cab, her Shepard was no where to be seen.
"It's like I'm here with a stranger."It wasn't until Karin responded that Jen even realised she had spoken out loud.
"She has to protect herself while in The Alliance to be able to keep the demons at bay."“Demons?” Jen asked.
Karin nodded slowly looking over at the young woman that Jen was still staring at with a confused and hurt expression.“She saw more death in four days than a lot of marines see in a life of service; forced into kill or be killed situations at the age of sixteen.” Karin said with renewed sorrow etched on her face.
“Gosh, when I found her, she was such a mess. I could see her shutting down in front of me, then suddenly, it was like someone turned the lights back on. She told me her name and even what it meant.”“You found her?” Jen said astonished.
Karin turned to look at Jen and saw the incredulous look on Jen’s face and suddenly realised, Amelia hadn’t let Jen in at all. This poor girl that stood in front of her, was in love with Amelia’s protective barrier, because that was all she had been given.“Oh Amelia.” Karin whispered in dismay “I’m sorry Jen, I know this must be hard, there's so much she hides away just so she can function in everyday life.”
“Not from you, or Jeff.”-o-
He looked over at the procession waiting outside the cabin. "So many people." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"You ready?""Nope"
"No, you probably never will be, but let's do this anyway."He gave a short nod and the two best friends turned and walked toward the front of the waiting procession hand in hand.
After closing the apartment door behind her, Shepard chased after Jen who had gone straight into the bedroom. Jen hadn’t spoken a word or even looked at Shepard since before the service; even the hour long cab journey she managed to totally avoid contact of any kind.
“You going to tell me what’s...” she stopped when she saw the suitcase open on the bed, “what are you doing?” she just stared as Jen went back and forth from the closet throwing clothes into the case, “Jen? Will you please talk to me?” she said stepping in her girlfriends path.
“I don’t know who it was I was at that funeral with, but it sure as hell wasn’t the woman you’ve let me fall in love with. Karin said you have to protect yourself while in The Alliance, is that all I am to you? Just another Alliance soldier?” tears began to roll down Jen’s cheeks as she screamed in Shepard’s face.
“We’ve just got back from a close friend’s funeral, and you’re throwing this at me?” Shepard said still in shock at this turn of events.
“I didn’t, CO gave me no choice.” Shepard yelled back before she could stop herself. “Oh shit, Jen, I didn’t mean…”
“Oh no, I think you did.” Jen scoffed and carried on packing.
“Jen, don’t do this, please just...can we talk?”
“Why? Clearly Amelia doesn’t need me.” Jen said sourly. Then she took a deep breath, “No, I need some space. I’m going to stay with my parent’s, give me a few days and then we can talk. It’ll give you time to work out what’s important to you as well.” Jen said making clear there was no negotiation in this.
Shepard hung her head as her girlfriend continued packing.
You know, it’s probably better it happened now that after you put a ring on her finger.
Shut up.
As Jen picked up the suitcase and headed to the door Shepard grabbed her hand, “Jen...please don’t go.”
Jen looked her in the eye, her expression cold. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”
With that she was gone.
Amelia had left the apartment soon after Jen, she couldn’t be there right now.
As she walked through Victory Square in the pouring rain, she stopped to look at the memorial; autumn leaves scattered over the few steps of the memorial pillar reminding her of the funeral, Karin.
When the door-com went off Karin climbed out of bed, wrapped herself in her dressing gown and went to the com, “Hello?”
When Amelia reached her door, the sight before her was pitiful to say the least. Still wearing her dress blue uniform she was dripping wet, head hung low, shoulders slumped.
“She’s left me; I think I’ve lost her.” Amelia said in all but a whisper.“Oh darling,” Karin said pulling her into a hug, “come in, let’s get you out of those wet clothes before you catch your death.”
While Amelia got showered, Karin made coffee; when Amelia was upset, she didn’t sleep, it was going to be a long night."Do I smell coffee at three am?”
“Indeed you do.” Karin said smiling at the spare room door.
“Well that can only mean one thing, Lia’s here?”
“Jen left her, that’s all I know.” she said
“What the shit?” Jeff said clearly shocked. He hadn’t seen what Karin had today, how little Jen knew the real Amelia, their Amelia.
“I didn’t realise you were here Chip.” Amelia said emerging from the bathroom in the spare robe she kept here.
“Not tonight, I can’t tonight,” she said sadly as she grabbed a mug of fresh coffee and smiled at Karin thankfully.
The three of them sat in front of the holo fire, drinking coffee late into the night they didn’t talk about Jen, tonight wasn’t the time. Instead they talked of good times; Amelia spoke of happy times on Mindoir, Jeff of meeting his new sister Hilary for the first time on Tiptree, Karin of mischief she and Sarah got up to in the academy. Tonight was for happiness; the sadness could wait until tomorrow.
To Be Continued...
Half Full Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Mass Effect - Obsession
Hey guys,
Sorry it's a bit later released than the last few have been, I've started writing a blog as well so the pace on MEMB is slowing a little, plus both my beta readers have buggered off on holiday! Rude, but thank you MikeShen001 for stepping in, big help!
So my dear readers, I have a few questions for you! I'd like to hear your thoughts on the below points, it will help with my inspiration for chapter 7. So please take a few minutes to leave a review and let me know what you think.
* So was the result of the cliffhanger what you thought? 
* How do you feel about Jen's reaction? 
* Do you think Shepard loves her enough to finally let her in, or are they doomed? 
Thanks all for your time, and please keep reading, favouriting, reviewing and sharing!
Chapter 7 --->
Jen probably overreacted a bit, but then I understand how it can be a shock to realize that somebody you thought you knew had been putting on an act all the time. At least to some extent.
Shepard needs to make the first move and explain everything if she is to have a chance to salvage the relationship. If Jen really loves her, she'll understand and forgive.
To have Shepard help Jeff ice skate was very cute, but also really clever. Too bad he can't be made biotic himself, or he could do that himself. Or he needs to land himself an Asari.